We have all seen that movie where we cannot wait to see the cheating spouse get caught. The Hollywood portrayal of divorce often showcases infidelity as one of the leading explanations as to why marriages come to an end. While reasons can vary from couple to couple, communication breakdown is the most common cause of divorce–and is a widely prevalent theme in most of the other reasons that lead a marriage to end.

Hera are four common reasons for why long-term marriages fail:

Your identity has become the relationship

When you lose your individuality, you’re losing part of yourself. This can cause a strain on the marriage. Your partner is one of the most important people in your life, but not having an identity outside of the relationship is where the marriage can disintegrate.

Unreasonable expectations

Over the course of a marriage, expectations can change. This may be true for one or both of you. Asking a partner to change to help keep the relationship happy is not a cure-all solution. Browbeating one another into doing unwanted activities or attempting to transform the other partner will only further strain the relationship. Trying to hold an unwilling partner to new expectations can push the marriage to the breaking point.

Financial incompatibility

The problem may not be having enough money-and it most certainly isn’t having too much money. It’s much more likely to be a problem when you don’t see eye-to-eye on handling finances. An avid spender often cannot understand the reasoning behind their partner’s frugal nature and vice-versa. Trying to reconcile those differences is sometimes is enough to break up the marriage.

Inability to resolve conflicts

Fighting about the same type of things over and over again is frustrating. If repeating arguments plague your relationship, it is clear that one partner does not want to understand what the other is saying. Finding the root of the issue is helpful but when there is a lack of communication or an unwilling partner, fighting can and will destroy the marriage.